California is experiencing the most severe drought on record. And it’s dumbass Governor, Jerry Brown, has dealt with this by restricting water use by California residents. And while that may seem like a great idea, it essentially will do nothing to end the drought, since personal water use takes up a mere 14% of California’s water supply. Everyone in California thinks they are going to end the drought by having a dirty car, a brown lawn, or foregoing daily hotel linen refresh, but they are kidding themselves. Meanwhile, the real reasons we are experiencing a drought are not getting any attention…
REASON #1 …YOUR FAT ASS
80% of California’s water is used for agriculture. Obviously, we need to eat food, but a majority of the water used in agriculture goes to livestock. The animals we kill for food are fed alfalfa, which covers over 1 MILLION ACRES in California. It takes 2,500 gallons of water to grow one pound of beef. And hipsters with their bacon fetish should know that one pound of pork takes 800 gallons of water to grow. I take long hot showers all year and I’m still using the same amount of water it takes to make 10 hamburgers. Now that you know this, you should try watering your lawn until it overflows into the street. And when your neighbor tries to say you should save water, that will be a good opportunity to call them out for being a fat fuck.
REASON # 2 …THESE DICKHEADS
Gov. Jerry Brown’s water restrictions will cost California residents $500 in fines if they don’t cut back on taking showers or washing their cars. Meanwhile, wealthy people (like the dickheads you see above) continue to play their mindless pussy sport without any restrictions. The average family of four uses 400 gallons of water a day. The average golf course uses 312,000. California has 921 golf courses. That means these yuppies use the same amount of water as 2.8 million people just so they can lollygag around on their golf carts and compare clothing. Why does California deserve a drought? Because they support these rich dickheads by either voting them into office, or purchasing whatever it is their company sells. In fact, if you’re not living off the grid, you are completely responsible for this spectacle too!
REASON #3 …BEING AN IDIOT
The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge was a stupid goddamn waste of water. Millions of gallons of water were wasted… for no reason whatsoever. If you want to give your money to charity, give your money to charity. There’s no need to waste a valuable resource out of it. When I give money to street bums, I hand them some change and then walk away. I don’t syphon the gas out of my car and into a storm drain afterwards.
REASON #4 …ANYONE WHO STILL EATS ALMONDS
10% of all water used in California goes to growing almonds. That’s right. Fucking almonds. It takes one gallon of water to grow one almond. And Gov. Brown’s restrictions on water has nothing to do with almonds. Even more perplexing is the fact that over 50% of these almonds are shipped to China. And you have people in California that won’t even flush their piss down the toilet. They should stop flushing their shit too. That way they can literally smell the choices they’ve made for themselves.