When was the last time you thought about the fact that most human beings are stupid assholes who are full shit and undeserving of a good life? All you have to do is get stuck in traffic, pay attention to the kind of politicians the general public voted into office, or listen to all the shitty bands on the Billboard Top 20 to notice just how utterly inane humans are. This point of view may be considered by some to be pessimistic, but studies actually prove this to be fact…
STUDIES THAT PROVE HUMANS ARE ASSHOLES
Drivers intentionally run over turtles: A student at Clemson University conducted a study by putting a fake rubber turtle on the side on the road. Within an hour, seven drivers deliberately swerved to hit what they thought was a helpless turtle.
Internet Trolls are Sadistic Psychopaths: Research from the University of Manitoba found that people who engage in internet trolling have personality traits of Machiavellianism, Nacissism, Psychopathy, and Sadism. These are the exact same traits serial killers have. Have you ever noticed how many people leave rude comments online? I can’t give you an exact number, but it’s in the Billions.
Boys who play football are abusive: There’s nothing wrong with boys enjoying a game of football, right? Wrong. According to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, teenage boys who play football are 50% more likely to abuse their female partner.
Cheating students end up working for the Government: Researchers from Harvard PROVED in a study what we already know.
People who don’t own pets don’t believe in soul mates: Match.com conducted a survey that not only revealed this, but also mentioned that people who don’t own pets are less enthusiastic and not as generous as their pet loving counterparts. This is good news because another study shows that people who don’t have soul mates die 17 years earlier than those who do. So the next time somebody tells you they’re not a dog person, just smile and let them know they’re going to die because of it.
US students are apathetic to Freedom of Speech: In the largest kind of study of it’s kind, The John S. and James L. Knight Foundation found a disturbing revelation: US students are not only ignorant to the basics of the First Amendment, but they don’t seem to care about them either. However, there is still some glimmer of hope with at least some of our nation’s youth when it comes to knowing their rights, as seen in this video.
College students think they are special: Psychologist Jean Twenge used data from roughly 9 million college students over a span of four decades, and found that there is a dramatic increase in students who rate themselves ‘above average’ in areas such as confidence, drive and overall academic ability. She also found that the opinions they have of themselves didn’t match their actual performance in those abilities. It’s pretty amazing that the youth of today think more of themselves than their grandparents… You know, the people who refer to themselves as ‘The Greatest Generation.’
STUDIES THAT PROVE HUMANS ARE STUPID
Human Intelligence has declined since Victorian Era: On average, people have lost 14 IQ points since the Victorian Era. According to Study co-author Dr. Jan te Nijenhuis, the decline came at a time genetic selection become more relaxed, a result from the invention of Agriculture. However, thanks to the fact the USDA accepts bribe money from the Food Industry, instead of doing their fucking job watching over them, we could be seeing a comeback in intelligence. After several more years of Monsanto’s herbicide Glyphosate manifesting in American’s bodies, inflammation will occur and damage millions of people’s cellular systems, causing them to die. After enough people drop dead, intelligent women will start having more babies. That oughta bring humanity’s IQ level back up a couple notches.
People who don’t try drugs are stupid: A British Study found that kids with high IQs are more likely to get high as adults than those who score low on IQ tests as children. Researchers figured that those with above-average intelligence have a heightened interest in experiencing altered states of consciousness. In America alone, 23.9 Million people aged 12 or older are abusing illegal drugs. A promising figure, no doubt, but not when you consider they merely make up 9.2 percent of the population.
Men act stupid when talking to a beautiful woman: A study by psychologists at Radboud University in the Netherlands revealed that men act dumber when talking to beautiful woman. The experiment concluded that men lose their “cognitive functions” when talking to an attractive woman, suggesting that they are more “reproductively focused.” Translation: Men’s boners have more brains than their actual brains.
Lil Wayne fans are retarded: American software genius Virgil Griffith conducted a study which showed the correlation between SAT scores and college students’ musical tastes. He found that those who listened to Beethoven were the brightest. The dumbest? Lil Wayne fans. Now, examine Lil Wayne’s Billboard Chart history and keep in mind Beethoven hasn’t been considered hot since the 1700′s.